looking in the rearview

I can't believe that 2008 is over. This was truly a wonderful year for me, although it went by at the speed of lightning. I still feel like I'm in that stage that you go through in the beginning of a new year, when you can't seem to stop writing the previous year on all of your paperwork and stuff. I still feel like 2007 just ended, it's really weird. I really have changed a lot this year. When I look back at the way I used to be just a year or two ago, one word comes to mind: materialistic. I think part of the reason I was like that was because of highschool. Now that I have been out of that little world for a while, I am starting to really enjoy the real one. I have had a gradual realization that there is so much more to life. I have no desire to have the most expensive, designer brands hanging in my closet anymore. Instead, I just want to have what I need...and what I really need is my family. I have been so anti-family for my entire life, why do I need them anyways? In the end it's just me. I am living my life, not them. I have to answer for my decisions, not them. ME! But lately (within the last year/year.5) I have really felt differently about that. I have always valued my parents, grandparents, Paul, Meg and other people in my family tremendously... but now I find myself having a burning love for certain people I used to run in the opposite direction of. I really cherish all of the time we have together and I know it's not going to always be this way. One of the down sides of having a big family is that there is a better chance you are going to lose someone. I experienced the hardest loss of my life a few years ago, but consider myself extremely lucky to have not had to deal with anything worse so far. I can only hope that 2009 will be as good to me as 2008 was in that respect.

Secondly: New Years Resolutions. I never keep them. Maybe I have such a hard time keeping them because I make it really hard for myself to do so. I decided this year that I would be in that .1% of the population that actually keeps their resolution. I have a few, but my number one is to get on a regular sleeping pattern. I can't keep going to sleep at like 4 in the morning for no reason, sleeping the day away and then repeating the same pattern until I'm forced to go to bed early for something. I really want to feel better and enjoy the beautiful sunshine during the day more often than I do.

Okay, so Christmas was amazing. I got my new glasses and a video camera, both of which have been put into much use. I also got somewhere around 500,000 books and I have been locked in my room reading away for the past couple days. Aside from being sick, Christmas was a really great day. I am now looking forward to spending New Years in the same way that I have pretty much spent every other New Years of my life :). And I wouldn't change that for the world.

ps: my effort on going green has been going steadily well. I will post more on my new improvements later!

<3

Congratulations Mrs. Secretary!

Sorry that it took me forever to post a new blog. This time it wasn't because I completely forgot that the blog existed, but simply because I forgot the password. I'm one of those people that have a different password for every website that I visit regularly. This has hurt me more than it has helped me. It gets especially bad when the website has one of those meters that tests how weak-strong your password is. I always want my password to fall into the strong category, so I'm constantly coming up with weird additions to make it fit...the only problem is that I constantly forget my customized, strong password. Anyways, surprise surprise this is not a blog about tour. Instead I would like to take the time to reflect on a few things going on in my life/the world. People reading this might not know exactly what I mean by my title. Well never fear, I will explain:

After weeks of speculation of whom Obama would name as his Secretary of State, it was finally announced that Hillary got the nomination. I know this is somewhat old news, but seeing as I haven't updated this and seeing as how I am completely obsessed with Hillary Clinton, it is only appropriate that I address the matter. As much as I would like to call her my President-elect, I am really happy for her. I wasn't sure how my boy Bill was going to affect the situation, and after that awesome position that Ted Kennedy offered her, I had no idea what was going to happen. Would she become Secretary of State? Take Ted Kennedy up on his offer? Keep her seat in the Senate? oooh the possibilities. I didn't worry too much about it because I have instilled my absolute faith in Hillary, and I knew that whatever she decided would be best. The selfishness in me almost didn't want her to become Secretary of State. It is no secret that the people of America are mostly uneducated politically (notice I did not say everyone). When something goes wrong, people are quick to point fingers instead of truly being educated on whose fault is what. If something were to go wrong in the Obama administration, I don't want my poor little Hillary to be blamed. Then I realized that I was being totally and completely ridiculous and that if she gets the nomination I should be happy for her...which I am. I am ecstatic. She is going to be so wonderful and I know that she is the absolute best person for what the job entails. I can't wait to see how everything starts to unfold. I will end this discussion with one of my favorite Hillary quotes:

"America is a place founded on the idea that everyone should have the right to live up to his or her God-given potential, and it is that same ideal that must guide America's purpose in the world today. And while we are determined to defend our freedom and liberties at all costs, we also reach out to the world again, seeking common cause and higher ground."

Okay, onto another note. I "changed" my major. I was going for a degree in Elementary Education and was going to get a minor in Political Science, just for the heck of it. I decided that is no longer the route I want to take. After a semester's worth of debating pro's and con's in my head, I came up with a very tangible plan of action that I am extremely happy with. I will no longer teach Elementary Education but will instead teach Secondary. I am getting a B.A in Political Science with a minor in Professional Education. That will allow me to teach Social Science subjects grades 6-12. It will also allow me to represent our great state in the Senate one day.

Last but not least, MACKENZIE IS HOME. I am thrilled beyond belief. I'm soooo happy. She is awesome and I plan on living with her until she leaves haha. I have never heard more about football in my lifetime than I do spending an hour with her...its funny because if it was anyone else I would probably jump off of something very high...high enough that I would break something but not have a heart attack before hitting the ground. However, that being said, I don't mind it coming from her. Maybe because I haven't seen her in four months and am just happy to have my best friend back...I don't know. Either way, I am pretty much going to be an expert on Alabama football by the time she leaves. Whoever wants to go head-to-head in an Alabama football quiz I take you up on your offer and I can pretty much guarantee that I will dominate.

One more thing: OPHELIA ANNA THREEWITT WAS BORN NOVEMBER 23rd AND SHE IS MOST GORGEOUS BABY ON THE ENTIRE PLANET (if only Paul would allow me to see her more often).

Okay that wasn't last either. I wanted to say how excited I am for Christmas!!! I am a total freak when it comes to the holidays. This is my totally favorite time of the year and for good reason. I am out to heal all of the Scrooge's of the world, free of charge. I just want to scream, I love this time of year soooooo much.

<3Tara

whatevvzzz

Am I on a roll or what? I am currently 3 for 3, for those of you that are keeping track. I woke up at 1:30 today. I REALLY hate sleeping that late, it is such a waste. I worked floor set last night and got home around 1:30 or something, which isn't even that late. I didn't end up going to bed until like 4 because I got so distracted. Anyways, today is Isaac Hanson's birthday. He is 28 for all of the people reading this that were wondering. How weird is that? He is almost 30. I can't believe it...he will almost be 40 in another 10 years, and it's been more than that since Middle of Nowhere came out. WEIRD. Anyways, enough about that. I know I said I would start writing about tour soon, but I just don't feel like it. It sort of gives me a headache trying to remember things that happened, it is just toooo much. I will eventually write about it though, I mean considering this was the intent of the blog in the first place.

Anyways, I have been thinking about it and I really want to become more "green". I'm pretty green at being green. I should start practicing what I preach and that is not a joke. There are sooo many things that I could improve on and every time I think about it, I start getting really disgusted with myself. Why haven't I done this before now? As much as people want to believe it is an "Inconvenient Lie" they are wrong. Really, I am making this promise to myself and to the environment. I WILL improve on this. I mean, my carbon footprint isn't THAT bad, but it could be sosososooooo much better. I will make it better and I am genuinely excited about it. It will be good for myself as well and the environment, so that is hitting two birds with one stone. What an accomplishment. I'm going to go clean my room, with my organic cleaning products. I will not use paper towels and if I do, I will be sure to recycle them. I'll update more on my effectiveness later.

bye!!

Alright, I know I said in the previous blog that I wrote...yesterday...that I would begin writing about tour shortly. Well, now is not the time for that, seeing as how two very, VERY important orders of business came up within the last 14 hours or so. I must write about them. Enjoy this (or not) while it lasts, because sometime in the next few weeks, I will probably stop updating this thing eternally. Or not. I can never predict my behavior.

On to order of business number one:
Mackenzie got rid of her Cavalier. I can't believe this. Also, I stand corrected, Mackenzie's family got rid of it, not really her. That still doesn't make it any better. I know, I know, she got a new jeep this summer and it is gorgeous and amazing, etc... STILL! I loved that Cavalier! I knew I would only get to see it for a little bit every few months or so when she comes home from school in Alabama, while it was parked gracefully in her driveway. I was really looked forward to that. When the Cavalier got driven away by a buyer who probably loves it a lot less than I do, my memories got driven away with it. That's right. They're gone forever. I honestly don't even have my memories from all of the fun times in the Cavalier anymore. They were ingrained in that trusty rearview mirror. Why? Am I being punished? It's okay, I'm sure that my memories will be intact as soon as I cope with such a devastating loss. For anyone interested in my reaction when I found out the news, here is a transcript of the convorsation I had with Mackenzie last night. For her safety I changed her screenname:

pretend to flyyy: where is your jeep?
pretend to flyyy: like where will it be i mean lol
beanburrito: it will be here. i will have moms car then sheldons when he is gone
pretend to flyyy: okay, i was gonna say...what are you driving lol
pretend to flyyy: what will your mom drive
beanburrito: she will ride with john to work.
beanburrito: so she will just have the truck with him i guess
pretend to flyyy: where is the cavalier
pretend to flyyy: that trusty little thing
beanburrito: gone
beanburrito: haha
pretend to flyyy: WHAT
pretend to flyyy: GONE WHERE
beanburrito: mom sold it
pretend to flyyy: :'(

Okay, and for everyone who may/may not want a visual of the amazing Cavalier, this goes out to you: never mind. I forgot the password to my photobucket and that is where said visual is currently located. Man, could this situation get any worse? I am currently waiting on an email to help me out, but it has yet to come. UGH.

Order of Business number two:
Itunes is haunting me. Yes, haunting. I don't have it started or up or anything, yet it continues to play the same two songs over and over again. I can't get them to stop playing because I can't get itunes up to X out of it. I even restarted my computer and as soon as I started itunes the problem arose yet again. WHY? Could someone please tell me why this is happening. The most terrifying part of the situation is that I don't really even like the two songs that much. I bet their play counts are at least up to 10,234,003 each. Seriously. Do I have to call the Geek Squad? I really hope not, that makes me feel so uncomfortable. JUST MAKE IT STOP. I WANT TO WATCH THIS CERTAIN VIDEO AND I CAN'T BECAUSE ALL I HEAR ARE THE SAME TWO SONGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

ps: don't ask me what they are, it's embarassing.

bye

You know what? Sometimes I'm not sure why I endlessly create these things, knowing it wont last very long before I abandon it. It's so weird...I truly have blog ADD. This is my third blogspot account, THIRD. Not to mention my short(short) encounters with xanga, livejournal and the occasional myspace blog. Am I a commitment-phobe? What does this say about my character? How do I just leave these things to rot...my thoughts blown away like a leaf in the wind, never to be seen or thought about from the same eye ever again. Well I'm hoping this time is different. I have such a mess going on in that thing I call my brain, that maybe I really do need an outlet just to dump all of my thoughts onto all of the poor unsuspecting readers (providing that there are some...or one/none?...either way).

Also, I think this one will succeed better than the other poor blogs because I want to use it as a sort of tour journal. I need somewhere to unload all of my tour memories before I begin to forget crucial events that happened during tour (like what Megan ate after the walk in Foxboro or what color socks I wore to Hartford...these are things that need to be remembered!!). Plus, if you know me then you know that I love nothing more than to talk about Hanson. That is actually the main reason I have faith in this blog. I will be excited to relive all of my precious tour memories. Maybe not though? Maybe it will put me into a serious depression when I realize that tour is over and I need to get back to reading about the Yin and Yan of American Culture, and go work floorsets at AE and have REAL responsibilities. It is so easy to live a life where your number one priority is getting front row and not getting lost. The latter is easier said than done. I still feel euphoric even though my last show was October 28th. I feel like I am leaving in the morning to go to another one, and then I wake up and reality hits me in the head like a brick. The one thing that keeps me on the edge of my seat is that I know that Hanson will be touring again soon. I just know it. There are so many miles still to be walked, so the saga will continue and there will not be another Hanson tour dry spell. There wont. I think starting tommorow (or within the next week/month/year) I will start blogging about everything imaginable from tour while it is still remotely fresh in my mind. Yes, that sounds like a great plan.

On another note, I recently realized how terrible I am at charades. It is painful, so from the bottom of my heart I am warning you to never play it with me. I am awkward and embarassing and I'm pretty sure I make the whole room feel incredibly uncomfortable within 2 or 3 seconds of watching me try to play the game. Some people are so good at it. Five year olds are better at it than me. This sudden realization has really taken a toll on me. It crushed any of my future dreams of becoming a famous actress who makes millions and millions of dollars for each one of my 10 box office hits per year. I guess it's a really good thing I never actually dreamed about that. I would be screwed.



Until next time, I will leave you with warning number two: (NEVER eat my muffins)

love ya!